9 Movies to Mend a BROKEN-HEART

posted by Tony Youngblood

As last week’s This Week in TFT revealed, I was supposed to write about the global financial crisis documentary INSIDE JOB for my next TFT article. Because of an important podcast release of my own — the 50th episode of THEATRE INTANGIBLE – and some personal drama, I missed the last screening of INSIDE JOB in Nashville. I wanted to compare it against recent insight gained by the phenomenal books THE BIG SHORT and GRIFTOPIA. Regrettably, I’ll have to wait for the video release.

Instead of reliving the crisis of 2008, I was enduring a crisis of my own: total relationship meltdown. I discovered the girl I’d been seeing was now dating an acquaintance of mine. To make matters worse, I’m the one that introduced them. (At an open mic that I and the acquaintance both play.) Just days before our decision to stop dating, she sat in my lap on said-acquaintance’s couch during his weekly movie night. Come to think of it, things did seem a bit uncomfortable. (At the time, I blamed the poor movie choice: UNLEASHED.) I can only imagine what was going through their heads, unrequited Douglas Sirk passion blocked by my pesky nerve to exist.

I won’t lie and say I was heartbroken. In fact, the relationship was doomed before it started. Nevertheless, I felt betrayed and conned. That combined with the ever-nearing Valentine’s Day (my friend calls it Singles Awareness Day) was enough to get me thinking about past break-ups and the unique state of mind when your world is turned upside down.

Break ups are a sort of a spiritual cleansing. In your massive despair and self-pity, everything is reset. Your sense of reality is heightened. You walk outside and the birds are singing. They always have, but you’ve never noticed until now. Suddenly, trite romantic comedies are harrowing commentaries on the human condition. I’ve been through more break-ups than I care to admit. Every time, I find myself transported into a realm occupied exclusively by my past broken-up selves. There, we are kin. In my present state of mind while I’m still licking my wounds, I can reach into this realm and extract the films that give me comfort when the world is cold and all is lost.

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL — A Cure for the Blues

FORGETTING SARAH MARSHALL is by no means a great movie, but it always lifts my spirits. The film mines gut-busting comedy out of gut-wrenching despair. If we can laugh at Jason Segel’s nasty break-up and ensuing misery, we can also laugh at our own. When he checks into a 5-star Hawaiian resort, you almost feel as if you’re with him — on vacation from your depression. Things are bad now, but the future may hold rolling waves, a cool ocean breeze, and Mila Kunis.

Ok, probably not Mila Kunis.

CINEMA PARADISO — A Cure for a Hardened-Heart

Right now you probably see the world through a heavy layer of cynicism. Who can blame you? There, there. You need CINEMA PARADISO. The inspiring story of a boy’s love for cinema and the friendship he forges with the local projectionist will have you in tears before the final reel. If that doesn’t do it, the ending compilation of golden-age smooches will; and not because of their romantic nature. On the contrary, the film’s final moments will fill you with a love that makes your romantic infatuation seem trivial  — a sense of sacrifice and compassion for others.

SATANTANGO — When Else Would You Watch It?

Breaking up is a miserable experience, but it does have its perks. In your cloud of depression, you find yourself raking the leaves and vacuuming the carpet with little to no prodding. You might as well take advantage of your unfazeable state by watching an important movie you would normally chuck out the window. My suggestion is SATANTANGO, a 6 hour Hungarian black and white film with little dialogue and 20 minute shots. You’re stuck on the couch anyway. Why not multi-task and soak up one of the most profound movie experiences you’ll ever have? I screened it at the Belcourt Theatre in Nashville; and by the film’s end, most of the audience had walked out. Those of us remaining converged in the lobby and spoke about the film in soft voices with wizened smiles. Watch it now and thank yourself three years later when you’re still thinking about it.

BELLE EPOQUE — When You Want No One Else

If you’re dismissing all your friends’ pleas to start dating again because your ex was, “the ONE!” then you need to watch BELLE EPOQUE immediately. The setting is Spain during World War I. A  solider deserts the army and is taken in by an aging revolutionary who sympathizes with his plight. The soldier falls in love with each of the old man’s four daughters (one played by the young and alluring Penelope Cruz). The only thing that can cure one daughter’s spurn is the welcoming arms of the next. You may only have eyes for the one that dumped you, but BELLE EPOQUE shows there’s always a new adventure around the corner.

THE BEST OF YOUTH — A Cure for Cabin Fever

Spanning decades, this six-hour Italian drama about the intersecting lives of two brothers made me realize I was wasting my life in a small provincial town. I watched it in my bedroom in Mayfield, Kentucky after a very bitter parting. THE BEST OF YOUTH will help you forget the guy or girl across town and long for far away places. I haven’t yet traveled around the world, but the film did directly influence my decision to move to Nashville.

SPIRITED AWAY — Reintroduction to Wonder

Hayao Miyazaki‘s SPIRITED AWAY may be the most ineffable children’s film ever made. (That’s part of the reason why it’s so endearing.) The Studio Ghibli animation is also vivid, imaginative, beautiful, and wondrous. And at this stage in the grief process, you could use a little wonder. Lose yourself in the colorful characters, awe-inspiring music, and subversive social commentary about the youth of Japan. Maybe it will inspire you to get off the couch and interact with real people. But before you grab your coat, you may want to watch. . .

THE GREEN RAY — A Cure for Alienation

Director Eric Rohmer is the king of post-break-up salve. I could have easily written about the restorative qualities of PERCEVAL, CLAIRE’S KNEE, or PAULINE AT THE BEACH. But I chose THE GREEN RAY (one of my all-time favorites) because of how strongly I identify with the protagonist. Delphine (played by the beautiful Marie Rivière) is a socially-awkward young woman who feels alienated by the world around her. A break up can make you feel like no one truly understands you. THE GREEN RAY shows us that we’re not alone. Other people are out there struggling with the same issues. Delphine is flustered, uncomfortable, flighty, and annoyed at everything (and at times a little annoying herself). But eventually even she finds a connection with another human being. There’s hope for us yet.

ALL THE REAL GIRLS — Shock Therapy

With its realistic portrait of the bitter sting of betrayal, ALL THE REAL GIRLS is not an easy film to watch when you’ve recently been there. But to overcome a fear, you have to stare it down. David Gordon Green’s second feature may be the most accurate break-up movie ever made. (It would make a perfect double-feature with the previously-mentioned PAULINE AT THE BEACH.) The film stirs up the emotional stings of past relationships and forces you to examine your own culpability. “Am I to blame? What can I do differently next time?” Sometimes in order to properly set a broken arm, you first have to re-break it.

SPRING, SUMMER, WINTER, FALL, AND SPRING — Catharsis

Through its beautiful, serene images of an isolated lake in the forests of Korea, methodical structure, and sparse plotting, Kim Ki Duk’s masterpiece will stir your soul. A young boy trains with a wise old monk on the remote lake. He returns as an adult seeking redemption from a spurned love and the temptations of the  modern world. Watching this film, you find yourself slipping into a meditative trance. Your heart rate goes down. Worldly cares seem trivial. Something shiny flickers on the horizon. Now that you’ve almost caught up to where you were before the break-up, it’s time to keep running and see how much farther you are capable of going.

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There are many other films which could easily have made this list. Some were too obvious — HIGH FIDELITY, ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND, ANNIE HALL, and 500 DAYS OF SUMMER. Others I omitted for the sake of brevity or because they cured the same ailment. These include SEX AND LUCIA, CASABLANCA, IKIRU, Chaplin’s THE KID, THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES, SINGIN’ IN THE RAIN, SMILES OF A SUMMER NIGHT, A MIDSUMMER NIGHT’S SEX COMEDY, and the wonderful Busby Berkeley film GOLD DIGGER’S OF 1935.

Tony Youngblood is a film and music snob and producer of the experimental improv music blog and podcast Theatre Intangible. His favorite films include Eric Rohmer’s The Green Ray, Abbass Kiarostami’s The Wind Will Carry Us, Ingmar Bergman’s The Magician, Lee Chang Dong’s Oasis, and Rob Reiner’s This Is Spinal Tap.

This entry was posted on Friday, February 11th, 2011 at 7:17 pm. It is filed under Advice, Blog, Youngblood on Film and tagged with All the Real Girls, Belle Epoque, Break-Up Films, Breakup Films, Dumped, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Satantango, Singles Awareness Day, Spirited Away, Spring Summer Winter Fall and Spring, The Best of Youth, The Green Ray, Valentine's Day. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.